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| (Ten Boom, n.d.) |
Ms. Ten Boom exemplifies emotional intelligence. Her capacity to forgive, move on, and lead the hurting challenges me to be better.
A 2015 article in Time details a great list of emotionally intelligent qualities (Bradberry, 28 April, 2015). Of course, I see both personal strengths and opportunities in the list. I am naturally thick-skinned, and have never been disposed to hold a grudge. Years of nursing experience honed my ability to judge character. Growing up in a house rich with love (and not much else) taught me to count what I have, and have that be enough. I am grateful for these strengths, and the experiences that built them (Bradberry, 28 April, 2015).
The group of opportunities was just as easy to define (although less pleasant to think about). As an introvert who is happy to be silent and alone, I must make a conscious effort to get to know others. I do not have an innate need to know people. My family and a very few close friends provide plenty of love and belonging. I also struggle to let go of mistakes and the need for perfection (Bradberry, 28 April, 2015). Holding myself to an unattainable standard does not accomplish anything (unless you count pacing and laying awake at night as accomplishments).
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| I am not good at being "the second kind of people" (Collins, n.d.) |
Dr. Brene Brown's incredible thoughts on vulnerability hit right in the center of my weaknesses. I am not good at being vulnerable. It is uncomfortable and invasive. I have watched her talk several times now, and each time I am convicted to live vulnerability out loud (Brown, 2010, June). At work, I am a change agent and staff must see me growing and learning (Porter-O'Grady & Malloch, 2015). At home, I have two beautiful little girls who (most of the time) want to be just like Mommy. I must show them the struggle as well as the results, or risk setting them up for failure (Brown, 2010, June).
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| They make me want to be someone worth admiring |
These learnings translate well to hiring practices. Though I do not currently have direct reports, I often am invited to interview prospective front-line and mid-level leaders from the quality perspective. I am glad to report that my organization focuses on choosing the "best fit" for the organization from a variety of perspectives. In nursing, we often discuss that nursing tasks such as medication administration are objective and relatively easy to teach. In contrast, emotional intelligence is fluffier and harder to learn in a twelve-week orientation (Porter-O'Grady & Malloch, 2015). Of course establishing clinical competence is important, but hiring on this alone is not advisable (Thygesen, 2014, 21 April). I also want to know how the candidate handles making a mistake or how he or she treats team members on a busy day (Thygesen, 2014, 21 April). Understanding the real impact of emotional intelligence may not change my interviewing practice, but it certainly helps to know that the "best fit" approach is solid (Thygesen, 2014, 21 April).
Dr. Henry Cloud's tips on avoiding leadership pitfalls are simple yet poignant (Cloud, 2014, 24 June). The list reads more like a how-to guide for life in general, and has broad applicability. My favorite is phrased at my organization as, "Don't repeat the same thing over and over and expect different results." One missing item is that the best thing is not always the easy thing. Dr. Cloud's thoughts feel very positive (almost to a fault), and do not account for the healthy struggle and growth necessary to move forward (Porter-O'Grady & Malloch, 2015). A recent article in the Online Journal of Issues in Nursing supports the need for struggle, specifically related to acquisition of wisdom in nursing (Matney, Avant, & Staggers, 2016). In addition to knowledge, the authors called out openness to learning and the capacity for reflection as critical antecedents to wisdom. I find it intriguing that reflection and openness are best framed as emotional intelligence qualities (Porter-O'Grady & Malloch, 2015). Connecting this back again to hiring practices, I wonder if subsequent study of nursing wisdom will find that an emotionally competent nurse with fewer years of care experience is preferable to a less self-aware clinical expert. I look forward to (hopefully) finding out!
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| Sad but true (DumpaDay, n.d.) |
A video that details the importance of derailing our internal assumption train ties in with emotional intelligence (Maber, 2012, 15 October). In the hiring example above, the newer yet more aware nurse may has the ability to stop, assess a situation objectively, and perhaps move forward believing in the the other party's good intentions. This skill is priceless in the fast-paced, emotionally-charged healthcare environment (Porter-O'Grady & Malloch, 2015). I work everyday to force myself back to Maber's bottom rung and review the facts (Maber, 2012, 15 October). This is usually enough to bring me back to reality and see the situation with fresh eyes. Dr. Daniel Goleman calls this self-management, or the ability to recognize and harness emotions (Goleman, 2012, 23 April). Empathy is another one of Dr. Goleman's emotional intelligence (EQ) principles (Goleman, 2012, 23 April). I struggle with this one, especially in the context of work relationships. I am naturally emotionally steady and cannot remember the last time I cried. I just don't know what to do with colleagues whose emotions are more pronounced. This is a big area of opportunity for me, and I have yet to figure it out.
One (now retired) leader at my organization really had EQ nailed down. Her ability to stay steady and focused was almost super-human. A few years ago, this leader delivered a difficult message to my team. Though she remained calm, she was able to empathize with the wide range of emotions and help us to a point where we could resume our patient care duties. This balance of focus and emotional understanding remains a gold standard for me today. As I remarked earlier, I am good at staying calm but not so good at being with co-workers who are not. I later learned that her incredible skill was the result of years of practice...and so I jump into the ring every day and try to do a little better each time.
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| (Aristotle, n.d.) |
My co-workers would wholeheartedly agree with both my strengths and weaknesses. I am widely known to be matter-of-fact and unemotional. In fact, a previous leader colleague of mine still jokes that anytime one of our staff started to cry, I would immediately send them to her. Thankfully the hospital is full of emotion, which gives me lots of opportunity to practice!
I love the statement of Porter-O'Grady and Malloch (2015), which asserts that true leadership is read between the lines. This is evident at my organization, where influence and relationship are highly valued. Much of my work happens through leading multidisciplinary teams whose membership ranges from bedside nurses to executive leaders. I would not accomplish anything if this type of organic leadership was a myth.
Ah, millenials. It seems like any modern leadership discussion must include this topic. I fall just outside, or just inside the millenial generation. It depends on who is setting the boundaries. According to Simon Sinek, the year of my birth kicked off this group of "challenging employees" (Sinek, 2016, 29 October). I find it interesting (and a bit insulting) that Mr. Sinek generalized the difficulties of today's young adults and distilled them into a neat box called failed parenting (Sinek, 2016, 29 October). My (wonderful) upbringing was nothing like he described. Mom and Dad were strict, had high expectations, and made sure I learned early on that the world does not owe me anything. Despite this conservative (and loving) approach, the stiff confines of the workplace still chafe. The incorporation of technology is too slow, dress codes too outdated (who cares about pantyhose?), and the work environment too controlled. Before I get too worked up, I'll end with this...
I do not want my leader to focus her time learning to lead millenials. I want her to focus on leading me. And I promise to do the same.
All in all, I am a calm, focused, self-aware. part-time millenial who needs to work on empathy, cultivating a desire to know others, and being comfortable in the presence of my colleagues' emotion. I have learned that the best way to gain wisdom in these gaps (according to the nursing literature) is through knowledge, openness, and reflection (Matney et al., 2016). So I guess that's what I'll do.
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| Pure joy |
References
Aristotle (n.d.) Quote. Retrieved from http://inspiration.allwomenstalk.com/quotes-about-emotional-intelligence-to-make-you-think
Brown, B. [TED Talks]. (2010, June). The power of vulnerability. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
Bradberry, T. (2015, 28 April). 18 behaviors of emotionally intelligent people. Time. Retrieved from http://time.com/3838524/emotional-intelligence-signs/
Cloud, H. (2014, 24 June). Ten things successful people never do again. Success. Retrieved from http://www.success.com/mobile/article/10-things-successful-people-never-do-again
Collins (n.d.). Two kinds of people. Retrieved from http://www.nicolebaute.com/why-you-need-email-marketing/
DumpaDay (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/549228117034855517/
Goleman, D. [Big Think]. (2012, 23 April). Daniel Goleman introduces emotional intelligence. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
Maber, T. [Ted Ed]. (2012, 15 October). Rethinking thinking-Trevor Maber. [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJLqOclPqis
Matney, S.A., Avant, K., & Staggers, N. (2016). Toward an understanding of wisdom in nursing. Online Journal of Issues in Nursing, 21(1).
Porter-O’Grady, T. & Malloch, K. (2015). Quantum Leadership: Building better partnerships for sustainable health (4th ed.). Sudbury, MA: Jones & Bartlett.
Ten Boom, C. (1971). The Hiding Place. Netherlands: Chosen Books.
Ten Boom, C. (n.d.). Quotes. Retrieved from http://quotesgram.com/forgiveness-corrie-ten-boom-quotes/
Thygesen, K. (2014, 21 April). Why emotional intelligence is more important to hiring than you think. Fast Company. Retrieved from https://www.fastcompany.com/3029306/why-you-should-make-emotional-intelligence-the-cornerstone-of-your-hiring-strategy
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